Lucked Out

So, I’ve been working my current job since 2008, and I’ll say that, over time, things have only gotten better since I’ve started.  But that’s a rant for another day.

Today, I’d like to focus instead on how I lucked out with my cell-mate.  An overview: our office is currently 20-something people strong, spread between offices and cube space.  I share an office with the director of communications. 

I’ll start with the facts first: She’s an honest feminist, with strong sense social betterment for the greater good.  She’s a frequent volunteer, most notably for women’s issues organizations and the local public radio station.  She has a litany of friends who support her causes but have also inspired her to campaign for other things such as debilitating disease and environmental justice.  She’s strongly committed to her religion and her family, and she hopes to inspire both her niece and nephew to adopt some of her beliefs, again, for the greater good.

She’s a wholly good person.

So, how does an admittedly morally upright person mix with a fairly crude and sometimes obnoxious non-observant Jew from the Jerz?  It came to a head this morning as I played the following video that was posted last week in the name of science and music:

Happily, it was a non-issue (I giggled, and she acknowledged it’s potential genius).  As we both appreciate Steely Dan and the Police (among others), she understands the importance of music in society.  Personally, I can’t wait until this guy gets into some Rossini or Brahms.  She’d be happy with a Bare Naked Ladies cover.  I don’t know how she deals with me.  Yesterday I told her it smelled like “updog” in our office…to which she asked “What’s updog?”

“WHAT’S UP, DOG?!?”

Fucking hysterical.

Bell Empire

So, I got this upsetting news today:

AT&T plans to drop two year contracts through third party retailers, Apple included.

What's this mean to consumers?  Well, if you're like me, and you're an iPhone owner, you would probably prefer to go to an Apple Store to buy your phone.  After all, it's their phone.  They know it best, and there's no commission involved.  Compare that to the vulture-like atmosphere at most AT&T or Verizon stores.  Not only are you harassed when you walk in the door, but the person who you finally have to deal with for the sale seems greasy...a hair above used-car salesman.

For the record, it goes like this: used-car salesman, cell phone company employee/Best Buy employee, realtor, etc.

(My apologies to the good realtors out there.  It's not your fault that you have to contend with Burger King, parking-lot, seagulls.)

The article linked above does say that you'll always be able to participate in the AT&T Next program.  That's the one where you can tack on the cost of the phone and spread it across your payments.  Nothing up front, and you get to pick how many months you want to go before upgrading to the next phone.  Your payment per month is determined by whether you want to pay off your phone in 12 months, 18 months or 24 months.  The longer you go, the less you pay for the phone...or rather, you pay what you would if it was a two-year contract.  Check out the Consumerist's calculations.  Unless you pick the 24-month plan, you pay more for the phone (and privilege of upgrading early). 

Basically, the only winner in this scheme is AT&T who will reap the benefit of people who want a lower monthly payment for a longer period of time.  It makes sense, but over 12 months, you're paying $150 more for the phone than you would in the traditional renew-in-two policies that have been prevalent ($190 more if you pick the 18mo plan).

Renew-in-two will still be in effect, but only if you go to an AT&T store so they can sell you the handset.  Also, it may be an option that third-party retailers can offer you renew-in-two, but only if the unit ships from AT&T...ultimately, giving AT&T the sale.

And, nobody wants to deal with AT&T for their phone.  They're a royal pain in the ass, and their employees are far less educated in the Apple models than Apple Store employees.  Simple math.  Oh, and don't think about going from giant to behemoth, Verizon has their own scam charges going on, like forcing you to pay for tethering, and not having simultaneous data/call functionality on older phones (iPhone 6 and up, not affected).  The long and the short of it is that, at least for the iPhone, we're all screwed...until this thing becomes popular, and we can go 5 minutes (mostly) disconnected from everyone.

Dads Day

OK, phew, thankfully we're done with yet another Mother's day...and I did admirably with a small gift.  Time to focus on Father's Day.  Me me me!

So, if you've been playing the home game, you'll realize that I'm little more than a 12 year old living in a 39 year old's body.  That said, there are some gifts I'll absolutely need this Father's day!

Let's start with the obvious: Star Wars Underoos for adults. 



While I'm not terribly thrilled about a pair of orange "tighty-whities", wearing this outfit should prove to all the ladies out there that you can drop a proton torpedo in a thermal exhaust port only two meters wide!  Sexy!
(And, while it's for "her" this would also be for "me": Ladies C3PO)



 
No?  What about getting me something actually useful, like a USB charger...that looks like the Flux Capacitor from Back to the Future?






From the animated GIF here, how could you NOT buy one for me?  I NEED THIS.
(P.S. this would be just as good: R2D2 USB Car Charger)

OK, what if you're a new dad or just had your 2nd...3rd or 4th kid?  Well, no dad should be left without this handy-dandy utility belt diaper bag.  Available at ThinkGeek, it's even got a terrycloth burp towel shaped like a cape!  Make your friends wonder "Where does he get such wonderful toys???"

And finally, who could argue with the keeper of the One Mug!  Drink your precious morning Joe with One Mug to Rule Them All!  As the mug gets hot, the secret Elvish inscription appears!  Keep it secret, keep it safe!  (Also acceptable would be a coffee mug with references to "My Precioussss" or "I love you like a Hobbit loves second breakfast.)

This is all I need. 
 

Throwing a caffeinated fit

I'm fairly certain I posted something like this on FaceBook.  But, in the event you didn't see that, I will memorialize it here.  Let me explain...no...there is no time.  Let me sum up:

Keurig coffeemakers are the most wasteful and expensive way to enjoy a cup of coffee...that is, if you do actually enjoy the muddy sock-water that spits into your cup.

Let me give you some reasons why you have to stop the insanity with the K-Cups.

Number 1 - Initially, on FB, I ranted about how those little plastic containers, millions and millions of them are getting unceremoniously dumped into our already full landfills.  Atlantic Magazine, in their interview with Keurig, said that in 2014, 9.8 billion (with a B) "portion packs" were sold worldwide.  And, as they're not easily recyclable due to the patented foil/plastic/paper design, they're just getting tossed out.  Even if you took the time to dissect the cups, they're made of #7 plastic, which isn't universally accepted at recycling centers.  (P.S.  I don't buy the "I get the 97% bio-degradable kind" BS.  You're still throwing it into a landfill which will be capped and sealed creating a completely anaerobic environment for your k-cup to sit in for the next 2000 years...because as we know, anaerobic = without oxygen, and no oxygen means no bio-degradation.  Not the fault of a landfill designed to keep crap from leeching back into the earth.)

Number 2 - Speaking of #7 plastic, The National Resource Defense Council's website identifies #7 plastic thusly:

"#7 plastic is usually polycarbonate and contains BPA. If you are in love with a particular #7 bottle, you could call the manufacturer to identify the plastic, but that might not make matters clearer. Learning, for instance, that the plastic is Tritan would not tell you enough. The "better safe than sorry" approach would be to avoid #7 altogether in my opinion."

In a nutshell (not made of #7 plastic), this designation, #7, is reserved for "other plastics" and is a mishmash of anything that doesn't chemically count as plastics #1-6...and you're pouring piping hot water into it.

Number 3 - You're paying a fuck-ton for your coffee.  OK smarty, let's say that you bargain shop your k-cups...and get only Petes or Starbucks when they're on sale.  On average, the net weight of a 10-pack is around $10.00 for name brand...and you can get a 12-pack for $6.99 for the cheap stuff.  Let's do math!  The 10-pack weighs in at about 4.3oz which, simple math tells us, is $37.17/lb of coffee!  Cheap people are only spending $24.05/lb of coffee...Dirt cheap!  Enter Trader Joes where one can get a similarly exotic bean for $6.99/lb (ground or bean).  I don't know about you, but for $37/lb I want Jeeves to serve it to me, with my loafers and morning paper.

The Solution.  You need coffee on the go, but don't want to make a whole pot or get to a Starbucks...what do you do?  French Press people...go ask the people at Bodum how it's done.  There's hundreds on Amazon and you can make a quick cup in about 4 minutes...tops.  Dump the resulting spent grinds into your garden, and presto, you're good to go.  "But a good press-pot is expensive!" Well, as soon as you stop paying $37 for a pound of coffee, you'll be able to afford it in no time!  Here, I'll post the link:

http://www.amazon.com/Bodum-Chambord-French-Coffee-Chrome/dp/B00012D0R2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1431110759&sr=8-1&keywords=bodum+4-cup

You're welcome.