Look, there is a natural ebb and flow of jobs in the United States when you approach January 1st. There's tax incentive to tidy up your employee base before the beginning of a new year...so that you don't have to deal with it over the course of multiple returns.
However, the President couldn't have been happier when corporate announcements began to be reported: AT&T is going to give up to $1,000 bonuses to around 200,000 employees in response to the generous tax cut their receiving from the Federal government. Similarly, this week, Walmart has indicated that they will be raising the minimum hourly wage AND giving out up to $1,000 merit-based bonuses. That's not all! CNN is reporting that Comcast, Boeing and Wells Fargo will be passing on some of their newfound wealth to their employees as a result of the new tax legislation.
But all is not how it seems. Let's take them one by one.
AT&T, as it's widely been reported, has recently laid off 2,000 employees. Some of them were from DirecTV where there may have been redundancies. There were over 200 "highly skilled" technicians from the south who were handed pink slips. And, there were others, but, using averages provided by GlassDoor.com, with lay-offs alone, the company just saved over $90 million to use for their newly announced bonus program.
Walmart, who owns Sam's Club, just surprised the business world by announcing the closing of 63 stores which employ, roughly, 175 employees. Granted, some may be reshuffled, but the lowest paid employees at Sam's will likely not be. Back of the envelope numbers suggests that over 11,000 Walmart employees just, suddenly, lost their jobs.
At Boeing in Seattle, over the course of 2017, 1,800 employees who would have been fired took buy-outs, and another 800 were laid off.
Comcast just laid off 500 employees, yes, a drop in the bucket...unless you're one of the 500.
Wells Fargo just laid off 5,300 employees. Don't worry, they're bolstering their office in the Philippines, which went from a meager 100 employees to 4,000 in the past 6 years.
Business is business, and, frequently, jobs added don't make the headlines. However, it seems to be a trend with the companies who have announced how good they're about to be to their employee base. Before we credit the Federal government with creating an economic boon, consider those not reported in last month's unemployment statistics, which, economists agree, isn't the end-all be-all measure of a healthy economy. Also consider those who stopped looking for work (i.e. early retiring Baby Boomers), who are on the verge of over-taxing our pension and entitlement programs just due to sheer volume.
It may be easy for a conservative to point out that "hey, you Dems aren't even happy when things are great, just because he's not who you voted for...snowflake!" Yes, minimum wage increases and tax law-related bonuses are just part of the whole picture, and before we point out how peripherally beneficial the new tax law is, we need to understand the full stories around those companies and their one-off PR power play.
If the headlines next Christmas indicate that more $1,000 bonuses are being given, well, I'll be happy to be wrong.
Friday, January 12, 2018
Friday, January 5, 2018
Someone Else's Music
I can't seem to find it. I thought I had written extensively about Phish in past posts. I guess not, so, at the risk of repeating myself, at the risk of repeating myself, here's the skinny:
There was no way I was going to spend money on the band. In 2003, a great friend from high school (Shaggy) had two interests: the now defunct Palmyra Tea Room that used to be in Bound Brook, and this hippy band Phish. Like devotees of the Grateful Dead, Shaggy would hoof it to the surrounding states in order to see multiple shows at a single venue. It was strange. I mean, at that time, I loved music, and had seen my fair share of "jam bands" like Santana and the Allman Brothers, but you knew, from year to year, you were going to see the hits...and the novelty of seeing a band that was supposedly improvisation/experimentation personified, wore off...especially when, back-to-back years they played nearly the same set. Yawn. Then, my girlfriend bought me a ticket.
She said, (and I'm paraphrasing), "Sweetness, this band, Phish, is the bees knees and I used to follow them, and it's 2003, and they're coming to the Jerz, and we're getting lawn seats with my friend, and maybe your obsessed friend Shaggy will be there too." Where is it, I asked? "Camden," she said. We lived in Montclair. An effing long haul. What's the weather going to be? It's going to pour. Great. And, I didn't know any of their music. I told her that, unless the band played someone else's music, this would be the first, and last show of theirs I saw. She didn't care.
We met her friend in the parking lot. I think the friend trucked in from NY State...with her dog. Stupid children were doing whippets a couple of cars away. Drugs were apparent. Authorities didn't care. Pre-show was already living up to my low expectations. I donned a rather unflattering plastic poncho from Sears. It was starting to drizzle. Once in the venue, and sufficiently buzzed (don't ask), the band started playing. And they were good. First observations were that they were super talented. Guitarist's fingers were moving quite fast a la Zappa...well, maybe not that good, but good enough. Tunes were varied and long. We had met up with Shaggy who was getting drenched with us in the grass. He gave me a play-by-play, Phish for beginners, explanation of each song. It was immediately clear to me that he wasn't the only obsessed fan. The show was good...the lights were amazing, and then came the encore: Frankenstein by Edgar Winters, i.e. someone else's music.
On New Year's Eve, 2017, My now-wife and I met up with Shaggy pre-show, which was number 35 for me, and 137 for Shaggy (wife doesn't keep record, but I'm sure she's in and around 100 shows). I had already met up with him the night before for that show, but NYE was the biggie of the run. On New Year's they play 3-sets instead of two, and the evening typically features a ridiculous stunt or gag between the second and third sets, just around midnight. By some strange coincidence Shaggy's seats were in the same row as ours...the next section over...about 10 seats away. Or maybe it's not coincidence...the night before I knew the people behind me, met them over 10 years ago...and others in my section...and bumped into an ex-co-worker who had his seats in the next section over with his very pregnant wife. I rode the train home with friends from college...and Shaggy. Chalk it up to Phish magic. But NYE was incredible. They played (mostly) songs I knew. The fans were ridiculously enthusiastic. The stunt was tech heavy (you know I love my tech). Everyone was in a great mood, the show flew by (from 8:30p-1:15a), they encored with our wedding song, and, at the end, I was ready for another set.
It was exactly what I needed. The news this year has been dismal. Environmental regulations evaporating. Taxes going up. Property values potentially going down. National Monuments shrinking. Global Warming (it's a real thing), and women's rights, and #metoo, and the 2017 list goes on and on. I desperately needed a break, and Phish was that break. Their music isn't overtly political unless you read way too deeply into it, so there was no potential for reminders of what was happening in the outside world. It was just fantastic that me and my 21,000 friends were able to recharge for 4 days before Washington's Captain Idiot and the Hatchetmen (might steal that as the new name for my band) got back to his work challenging things I hold dear and appreciate.
Phish wasn't what I wanted, but in the 15 years I've been following them, they are what I need from time to time. It's January of 2018, and I want to wish you a happy new year, and hope that, in the past week, you had your moment of distraction from reality, enough to recharge your batteries so that you can accomplish everything you want/need to. If not, no worries, I hear that the band is planning a summer festival at Watkins Glen, NY. See you there. And, if it's your first time, maybe they'll play someone else's music.
There was no way I was going to spend money on the band. In 2003, a great friend from high school (Shaggy) had two interests: the now defunct Palmyra Tea Room that used to be in Bound Brook, and this hippy band Phish. Like devotees of the Grateful Dead, Shaggy would hoof it to the surrounding states in order to see multiple shows at a single venue. It was strange. I mean, at that time, I loved music, and had seen my fair share of "jam bands" like Santana and the Allman Brothers, but you knew, from year to year, you were going to see the hits...and the novelty of seeing a band that was supposedly improvisation/experimentation personified, wore off...especially when, back-to-back years they played nearly the same set. Yawn. Then, my girlfriend bought me a ticket.
She said, (and I'm paraphrasing), "Sweetness, this band, Phish, is the bees knees and I used to follow them, and it's 2003, and they're coming to the Jerz, and we're getting lawn seats with my friend, and maybe your obsessed friend Shaggy will be there too." Where is it, I asked? "Camden," she said. We lived in Montclair. An effing long haul. What's the weather going to be? It's going to pour. Great. And, I didn't know any of their music. I told her that, unless the band played someone else's music, this would be the first, and last show of theirs I saw. She didn't care.
We met her friend in the parking lot. I think the friend trucked in from NY State...with her dog. Stupid children were doing whippets a couple of cars away. Drugs were apparent. Authorities didn't care. Pre-show was already living up to my low expectations. I donned a rather unflattering plastic poncho from Sears. It was starting to drizzle. Once in the venue, and sufficiently buzzed (don't ask), the band started playing. And they were good. First observations were that they were super talented. Guitarist's fingers were moving quite fast a la Zappa...well, maybe not that good, but good enough. Tunes were varied and long. We had met up with Shaggy who was getting drenched with us in the grass. He gave me a play-by-play, Phish for beginners, explanation of each song. It was immediately clear to me that he wasn't the only obsessed fan. The show was good...the lights were amazing, and then came the encore: Frankenstein by Edgar Winters, i.e. someone else's music.
On New Year's Eve, 2017, My now-wife and I met up with Shaggy pre-show, which was number 35 for me, and 137 for Shaggy (wife doesn't keep record, but I'm sure she's in and around 100 shows). I had already met up with him the night before for that show, but NYE was the biggie of the run. On New Year's they play 3-sets instead of two, and the evening typically features a ridiculous stunt or gag between the second and third sets, just around midnight. By some strange coincidence Shaggy's seats were in the same row as ours...the next section over...about 10 seats away. Or maybe it's not coincidence...the night before I knew the people behind me, met them over 10 years ago...and others in my section...and bumped into an ex-co-worker who had his seats in the next section over with his very pregnant wife. I rode the train home with friends from college...and Shaggy. Chalk it up to Phish magic. But NYE was incredible. They played (mostly) songs I knew. The fans were ridiculously enthusiastic. The stunt was tech heavy (you know I love my tech). Everyone was in a great mood, the show flew by (from 8:30p-1:15a), they encored with our wedding song, and, at the end, I was ready for another set.
It was exactly what I needed. The news this year has been dismal. Environmental regulations evaporating. Taxes going up. Property values potentially going down. National Monuments shrinking. Global Warming (it's a real thing), and women's rights, and #metoo, and the 2017 list goes on and on. I desperately needed a break, and Phish was that break. Their music isn't overtly political unless you read way too deeply into it, so there was no potential for reminders of what was happening in the outside world. It was just fantastic that me and my 21,000 friends were able to recharge for 4 days before Washington's Captain Idiot and the Hatchetmen (might steal that as the new name for my band) got back to his work challenging things I hold dear and appreciate.
Phish wasn't what I wanted, but in the 15 years I've been following them, they are what I need from time to time. It's January of 2018, and I want to wish you a happy new year, and hope that, in the past week, you had your moment of distraction from reality, enough to recharge your batteries so that you can accomplish everything you want/need to. If not, no worries, I hear that the band is planning a summer festival at Watkins Glen, NY. See you there. And, if it's your first time, maybe they'll play someone else's music.
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
Reconsiderations
Over the last month, momentum has picked up by my classmates who graduated with me in 1993 from high school, to hold a 25th anniversary reunion. I got invited by some of the FaceBook group organizers to join the group so that I didn't miss out on planning updates. It was kind of exciting to see familiar faces (albeit older) file in to this virtual meeting place, many of them I hadn't friended either because we weren't close in high school, or because I just forgot that they were part of my life for four years.
I would like to think I got along with most of my classmates even though I was a year younger than the majority of them. The thought of reconnecting in the real world was both intriguing and scary. Is this something I would like to do? I keep in decent touch with a number of friends from that time in my life thanks to FaceBook, so I don't really feel like I don't make an effort. This reunion would just, potentially, increase the number of people "friending" me, but probably wouldn't amount to any significant reconnections.
And then, today, there was a post about a boy who died while we were in school together. If I remember correctly, the story was that he was in a car, filled with others our age, being driven by a teenager, that was speeding down a road until it hit a speed bump and launched itself into a phone pole. And that was that. I don't remember if the other boys died too. I do remember him though. Why? He bullied me terribly my freshman year, specifically in gym class. As I said, I was smaller and younger than most around me. I tried to avoid him, but when he and his friends needed a laugh, they would "catch" me and put me into any number of WWF wrestling moves: suplex, body slam, etc. on the mats in the weight room. It was extremely painful, and relentless for about four consecutive weeks when the teacher allowed students to do free lifting, largely unsupervised.
The post today spoke about honoring him with a tribute at the reunion. At least 30 or so people in this FB group immediately wrote about how much they missed him...and how many good times they had with him in elementary, middle school and high school. All I can think about is how horrible he was to me and how I haven't gotten over the abuse I took during that relatively short time where our paths crossed. I've mentioned this story to two or three others who knew us both over the years, but never had any real need to take it further than that. I mean, the place in the Venn diagram where this information is even relevant is so infinitesimally small that there was (nearly) literally no one who could relate. Until now.
Instinct is screaming for me to write how negatively he impacted my life and my memories of him in that group. Luckily, judgement is keeping me from writing anything ill of the long deceased. What good would it do? I'm sure I'm not the only one who he treated like this. Writing that group with my thoughts would clearly alienate me amongst the group. Any tribute to this boy at our reunion is enough to keep me away from it...and that's probably what I will wind up doing. FaceBook has facilitated my ability to rebuild connections with the people I cared about in high school. For those not on FB, I've also re-found long lost friends on Instagram and Linked-In. I don't need this reunion. I don't need those memories.
And, this must be what it feels like for all of those women who have come out indicating that they too were assaulted. In my case, it's really easy to justify staying quiet. My aggressor has long been dead. For the women coming out and indicating that they were unfairly taken advantage of, the public court of judgement is still out. The potential for ridicule and embarrassment is tremendous. I didn't intentionally write this post so that it could tie in to what is happening now, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that there was overlap. What many of those women have experienced is magnitudes more severe than what happened to me, and we as a society need to be addressing this with open ears and open minds.
This isn't to say that you should immediately believe everything you hear. However, ask yourself "by coming forward with their stories, what is it that they hope to gain?" For me, I just wanted the people who are actively eulogizing this boy to know that there was another side, a side that inflicted both physical and emotional scars that have lasted 25 years. I want them to understand. However, it's not like I could get him removed from the group or fired or prosecuted. I just wanted them to know my story, my experience, before they make up their minds...just as the majority of woman who have been coming forward with "allegations" of sexual assault. They aren't doing so for financial or political gain. They just want you to know about their experience with people who get off on hurting others with their power. Whether it's their physical size, or the position they hold, these power-play acts are unacceptable.
Due to a peripherally related unfortunate event, I feel strongly that these stories need to be told and that society needs to right itself and breed out the brutal machinations and patterns of abuse. I, for one, am listening.
I would like to think I got along with most of my classmates even though I was a year younger than the majority of them. The thought of reconnecting in the real world was both intriguing and scary. Is this something I would like to do? I keep in decent touch with a number of friends from that time in my life thanks to FaceBook, so I don't really feel like I don't make an effort. This reunion would just, potentially, increase the number of people "friending" me, but probably wouldn't amount to any significant reconnections.
And then, today, there was a post about a boy who died while we were in school together. If I remember correctly, the story was that he was in a car, filled with others our age, being driven by a teenager, that was speeding down a road until it hit a speed bump and launched itself into a phone pole. And that was that. I don't remember if the other boys died too. I do remember him though. Why? He bullied me terribly my freshman year, specifically in gym class. As I said, I was smaller and younger than most around me. I tried to avoid him, but when he and his friends needed a laugh, they would "catch" me and put me into any number of WWF wrestling moves: suplex, body slam, etc. on the mats in the weight room. It was extremely painful, and relentless for about four consecutive weeks when the teacher allowed students to do free lifting, largely unsupervised.
The post today spoke about honoring him with a tribute at the reunion. At least 30 or so people in this FB group immediately wrote about how much they missed him...and how many good times they had with him in elementary, middle school and high school. All I can think about is how horrible he was to me and how I haven't gotten over the abuse I took during that relatively short time where our paths crossed. I've mentioned this story to two or three others who knew us both over the years, but never had any real need to take it further than that. I mean, the place in the Venn diagram where this information is even relevant is so infinitesimally small that there was (nearly) literally no one who could relate. Until now.
Instinct is screaming for me to write how negatively he impacted my life and my memories of him in that group. Luckily, judgement is keeping me from writing anything ill of the long deceased. What good would it do? I'm sure I'm not the only one who he treated like this. Writing that group with my thoughts would clearly alienate me amongst the group. Any tribute to this boy at our reunion is enough to keep me away from it...and that's probably what I will wind up doing. FaceBook has facilitated my ability to rebuild connections with the people I cared about in high school. For those not on FB, I've also re-found long lost friends on Instagram and Linked-In. I don't need this reunion. I don't need those memories.
And, this must be what it feels like for all of those women who have come out indicating that they too were assaulted. In my case, it's really easy to justify staying quiet. My aggressor has long been dead. For the women coming out and indicating that they were unfairly taken advantage of, the public court of judgement is still out. The potential for ridicule and embarrassment is tremendous. I didn't intentionally write this post so that it could tie in to what is happening now, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that there was overlap. What many of those women have experienced is magnitudes more severe than what happened to me, and we as a society need to be addressing this with open ears and open minds.
This isn't to say that you should immediately believe everything you hear. However, ask yourself "by coming forward with their stories, what is it that they hope to gain?" For me, I just wanted the people who are actively eulogizing this boy to know that there was another side, a side that inflicted both physical and emotional scars that have lasted 25 years. I want them to understand. However, it's not like I could get him removed from the group or fired or prosecuted. I just wanted them to know my story, my experience, before they make up their minds...just as the majority of woman who have been coming forward with "allegations" of sexual assault. They aren't doing so for financial or political gain. They just want you to know about their experience with people who get off on hurting others with their power. Whether it's their physical size, or the position they hold, these power-play acts are unacceptable.
Due to a peripherally related unfortunate event, I feel strongly that these stories need to be told and that society needs to right itself and breed out the brutal machinations and patterns of abuse. I, for one, am listening.
Friday, December 8, 2017
It's not a war
Let me be clear, there's no war on Christmas.
I've seen this claim on bumper stickers and headlines about politicians and evangelicals calling out majors enterprises who use "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." The President has made comments about it's resurrection after decades of supposed obscurity:
"Remember I said we're bringing Christmas back? Christmas is back, bigger and better than ever before. We're bringing Christmas back."
And, he's not the only one who believes that it's been missing. My question is, where do people like this think it's gone?
The President hails from New York, and I can't think of any one place more in tune with the season than Manhattan. It starts with the Thanksgiving Day Parade (affectionately called the 'Macy's Day Parade' in my house) where the event is capped with Santa Claus as the official end of the parade...every year since 1924! Technically, Santa was crowned "King of the Kiddies" in 1924 and was permanently stationed at 34th street; he didn't march...but that's semantics.
It's been long known that Thanksgiving officially begins the Christmas season, though stores begin prepping for it as soon as the Halloween rush is over on November 1st. That said, store-fronts all across the United States begin their holiday push by decorating every inch in Christmas-specific decorations. Up and down 5th Avenue in New York, the major department stores provide Christmas-centric themed decorative windows to both advertise their wares as well as dazzle passers-by with (now) feats of technologically assisted stories full of animatronic characters and special effects.
But, that's just New York. I dare you to walk into any chain retail store or restaurant where Christmas music isn't blaring. I dare you to shop on the Internet without seeing Christmas-inspired advertisements. I dare you to turn on your TV without seeing Christmas specials, or decorations on morning talk-shows or commercial after commercial for the previously mentioned retail stores. It's impossible to escape.
Now, what the President and people like him are likely referencing in their belief that there's a war on Christmas is that many large institutions have taken to wishing people a Happy Holidays instead of a Merry Christmas. Duh. Multi-national corporations, who want to appeal to people of varied ethnicities, will and should adopt a generic holiday greeting so as to not exclude anyone. It's called capitalism. Also, as a method of cost savings, it makes the most sense to have this phrase on products that cross into regions where Christianity isn't the dominant religion. Again, see Capitalism: 101.
As a Jew, I appreciate it when a person doesn’t immediately think I celebrate Christ. I respect others holidays, but, as previously stated, we minorities can’t easily escape the capitalistic juggernaut that is Christmas. It’s nice to know that many of our neighbors and friends respect us enough to not further shove it down our throats when they wish us a "Happy Holidays." I love how impassioned people can get about the Christmas holiday, but as you weigh the war on Christmas, remember that there are many holidays this time of year. Out of respect, I believe it's appropriate to wish you a "Happy Holidays" regardless of your level of faith. That way, you can take it to mean whatever it means to you, and celebrate the concept and intention of well wishing to the fullest...because maybe, just maybe, nobody is waging a war on your belief system. It's quite possible that they're merely trying to be kind and compassionate, and hope that you too will have a very healthy and happy holiday season, however you choose to celebrate it.
I've seen this claim on bumper stickers and headlines about politicians and evangelicals calling out majors enterprises who use "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." The President has made comments about it's resurrection after decades of supposed obscurity:
"Remember I said we're bringing Christmas back? Christmas is back, bigger and better than ever before. We're bringing Christmas back."
And, he's not the only one who believes that it's been missing. My question is, where do people like this think it's gone?
The President hails from New York, and I can't think of any one place more in tune with the season than Manhattan. It starts with the Thanksgiving Day Parade (affectionately called the 'Macy's Day Parade' in my house) where the event is capped with Santa Claus as the official end of the parade...every year since 1924! Technically, Santa was crowned "King of the Kiddies" in 1924 and was permanently stationed at 34th street; he didn't march...but that's semantics.
It's been long known that Thanksgiving officially begins the Christmas season, though stores begin prepping for it as soon as the Halloween rush is over on November 1st. That said, store-fronts all across the United States begin their holiday push by decorating every inch in Christmas-specific decorations. Up and down 5th Avenue in New York, the major department stores provide Christmas-centric themed decorative windows to both advertise their wares as well as dazzle passers-by with (now) feats of technologically assisted stories full of animatronic characters and special effects.
But, that's just New York. I dare you to walk into any chain retail store or restaurant where Christmas music isn't blaring. I dare you to shop on the Internet without seeing Christmas-inspired advertisements. I dare you to turn on your TV without seeing Christmas specials, or decorations on morning talk-shows or commercial after commercial for the previously mentioned retail stores. It's impossible to escape.
Now, what the President and people like him are likely referencing in their belief that there's a war on Christmas is that many large institutions have taken to wishing people a Happy Holidays instead of a Merry Christmas. Duh. Multi-national corporations, who want to appeal to people of varied ethnicities, will and should adopt a generic holiday greeting so as to not exclude anyone. It's called capitalism. Also, as a method of cost savings, it makes the most sense to have this phrase on products that cross into regions where Christianity isn't the dominant religion. Again, see Capitalism: 101.
As a Jew, I appreciate it when a person doesn’t immediately think I celebrate Christ. I respect others holidays, but, as previously stated, we minorities can’t easily escape the capitalistic juggernaut that is Christmas. It’s nice to know that many of our neighbors and friends respect us enough to not further shove it down our throats when they wish us a "Happy Holidays." I love how impassioned people can get about the Christmas holiday, but as you weigh the war on Christmas, remember that there are many holidays this time of year. Out of respect, I believe it's appropriate to wish you a "Happy Holidays" regardless of your level of faith. That way, you can take it to mean whatever it means to you, and celebrate the concept and intention of well wishing to the fullest...because maybe, just maybe, nobody is waging a war on your belief system. It's quite possible that they're merely trying to be kind and compassionate, and hope that you too will have a very healthy and happy holiday season, however you choose to celebrate it.
Thursday, November 30, 2017
Well, there's no place like the Internet for the Holidays
I didn't post last week because of Thanksgiving. And, I'm having real issue posting this week because I really would like to step away from the doom and gloom of everyday news: celebrities being outed as power-hungry misogynistic abusers, the President's off-color and off-base remarks, and the looming threat of a nuclear apocalypse.
No, this week I'd prefer to highlight gifts for the people in your life who have everything. Note: these purchases, like so many others this holiday season, are completely unnecessary, but totally cool, and we need them! So, without further ado, my wishlist:
You have a job. You have kids or cats or dogs (or Hawaiian turtles). You have a life, and life is hard. You need to feed yourself, those things, and when you're done, you need to prep for the next day. And you're tired. Oh, so tired. How many times have you started your bed-time clean-up ritual and accidentally taken too little or too much floss? How much is the right amount? Well, thank god there's something we can suction to our bathroom mirrors and put a battery in. Yes, it's FLOSSTIME, the auto floss dispenser that you've been missing in your life. Just press a button and you get the perfect amount of floss every time. You can even decorate it with a cover of a small woodland animal so that it appeals to kids. And, as it obstructs your view of the actual mirror, it stands as a reminder to press that button, tear the floss and commit to dental hygiene. Never mind that their proprietary floss cartridges costs twice as much as what you can get at CVS...that you have to wait for them to deliver it. How the hell do they know how much you'll need...for two people, for a family of four? Never mind. This is a stupid present. Don't buy this for me.
Instead, I need this! These days, scientists and doctors say your health depends on what you put in your mouth. (Oh, those scientists and their theories.) Don't eat this. Do eat that. What's a modern family to do with all of the flood of do's and don'ts? We need an easy source of protein. One that's not fried or over-seasoned. One that you can take on the go, and eat at nearly every meal. What's like that? How about, a hard-boiled incredible, edible egg! Our family goes through at least two dozen eggs a week. Typically, we hard-boil a dozen, and then keep a dozen for other eggy dishes such as omelettes, scrambles, and, maybe on the weekends, French toast! But that takes time, and I need egg now! I need an egg on the go, and hard-boiled eggs are perfect for grabbing and snacking. But, you say, aren't they too round? I mean, they might roll onto the floor before you can eat it, and then it's a complete waste of an egg! Enter the Eddington Egg Cuber! Just put a freshly, hot, boiled egg into the cuber, set it in the fridge, and in 10 minutes, you too can have CUBED BOILED EGGS! They don't roll. It's tons of fun to freak out your kids, and, with one Egg Cuber for $12.99 on Amazon, you can cube an entire dozen eggs in 2 hours! That's...that's terrible. What the hell is wrong with people. I've changed my mind. This too is stupid.
I guess gift shopping is really hard, especially all of the moving your fingers need to do in order to get something from Amazon. It's exhausting. If only there was a way for me to nap comfortably at my desk. It would have to be well cushioned, and help to darken my immediate environment. I would also want space for my hands, and if I'm slumped over in my chair, I don't want to crush my nose...so there's got to be room for that too. Well, friend, if these are your problems, and you know they are, look no further than the OSTRICHPILLOW! Push your head up the narrow, um, neck line and, poof! Instant darkness! It's cushy. It's got room for your mouth. Perfect for the narcoleptic in your life. Sleep at your desk at work! Are you a student? Sleep at the library while studying! Bring it on the plane with you! Never mind that it looks like a giant plush uterus! Stick your head in there and get the best rest of your life for only $99! And now, it comes in both Midnight Gray and Sleepy
Blue! "Welcome to the napping revolution!" is their slogan, which seems a little ridiculous since, revolution implies action, and napping is, well...napping. And if you don't want to wear something that makes you look like a stuffed cephalopod, they've got cushy mittens and gauntlets you can rest your weary head on so that you can laze off and nap that way. I don't know. I'm rethinking this, and I can't imagine carting around a $100 stuffed vagina to work or on the plane for a power nap. I mean, as a valued employee, it's probably bad to advertise that I plan on drifting off during the work day. Yeah, I guess this is kind of dumb too.
I don't know. I guess I need to re-think the logic of gifts this year. It's probably best to stick with something universally loved and at the same time, absolutely functional. Something that serves a purpose but is stylish and current and something that the kids can relate to. OK, forget all of the above, and just get me this. Happy holiday shopping every one. And remember, when in doubt, send cash.
No, this week I'd prefer to highlight gifts for the people in your life who have everything. Note: these purchases, like so many others this holiday season, are completely unnecessary, but totally cool, and we need them! So, without further ado, my wishlist:
Instead, I need this! These days, scientists and doctors say your health depends on what you put in your mouth. (Oh, those scientists and their theories.) Don't eat this. Do eat that. What's a modern family to do with all of the flood of do's and don'ts? We need an easy source of protein. One that's not fried or over-seasoned. One that you can take on the go, and eat at nearly every meal. What's like that? How about, a hard-boiled incredible, edible egg! Our family goes through at least two dozen eggs a week. Typically, we hard-boil a dozen, and then keep a dozen for other eggy dishes such as omelettes, scrambles, and, maybe on the weekends, French toast! But that takes time, and I need egg now! I need an egg on the go, and hard-boiled eggs are perfect for grabbing and snacking. But, you say, aren't they too round? I mean, they might roll onto the floor before you can eat it, and then it's a complete waste of an egg! Enter the Eddington Egg Cuber! Just put a freshly, hot, boiled egg into the cuber, set it in the fridge, and in 10 minutes, you too can have CUBED BOILED EGGS! They don't roll. It's tons of fun to freak out your kids, and, with one Egg Cuber for $12.99 on Amazon, you can cube an entire dozen eggs in 2 hours! That's...that's terrible. What the hell is wrong with people. I've changed my mind. This too is stupid.I guess gift shopping is really hard, especially all of the moving your fingers need to do in order to get something from Amazon. It's exhausting. If only there was a way for me to nap comfortably at my desk. It would have to be well cushioned, and help to darken my immediate environment. I would also want space for my hands, and if I'm slumped over in my chair, I don't want to crush my nose...so there's got to be room for that too. Well, friend, if these are your problems, and you know they are, look no further than the OSTRICHPILLOW! Push your head up the narrow, um, neck line and, poof! Instant darkness! It's cushy. It's got room for your mouth. Perfect for the narcoleptic in your life. Sleep at your desk at work! Are you a student? Sleep at the library while studying! Bring it on the plane with you! Never mind that it looks like a giant plush uterus! Stick your head in there and get the best rest of your life for only $99! And now, it comes in both Midnight Gray and Sleepy
Blue! "Welcome to the napping revolution!" is their slogan, which seems a little ridiculous since, revolution implies action, and napping is, well...napping. And if you don't want to wear something that makes you look like a stuffed cephalopod, they've got cushy mittens and gauntlets you can rest your weary head on so that you can laze off and nap that way. I don't know. I'm rethinking this, and I can't imagine carting around a $100 stuffed vagina to work or on the plane for a power nap. I mean, as a valued employee, it's probably bad to advertise that I plan on drifting off during the work day. Yeah, I guess this is kind of dumb too. I don't know. I guess I need to re-think the logic of gifts this year. It's probably best to stick with something universally loved and at the same time, absolutely functional. Something that serves a purpose but is stylish and current and something that the kids can relate to. OK, forget all of the above, and just get me this. Happy holiday shopping every one. And remember, when in doubt, send cash.
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Empower
I wasn't able to blog last week, and this week I'm feeling overwhelmed. As you are already aware, I have an opinion. This week it pertains to the litany of allegations against men in power by women who were placed in uncomfortable and compromising positions. In the most recent examples, it's people who I've held in fairly high regard.
To start, I was a huge fan of Louis C.K. While people on the inside have been dealing with the rumors that he more-than-exposed himself to women, I wasn't aware. Women who looked up to him and his success. Me too. I watched his FX show and sympathized with his real-world characters. I watched his comedy specials and recommended the one where it's a conversation between him, Seinfeld, Chris Rock and Ricky Gervais and thought it was one of the best looks inside comedy I've ever seen. And, Sara and I went to see him perform at the Newark PAC and thought he was hilarious.
Today, at least in my news feed, a picture of Senator Al Franken groping a female reporter during a USO trip to Afghanistan reared its ugly head. As the now-Senator looks into the camera, grinning, his hands are outstretched towards her breasts in a suggestive act of inappropriate behaviour. Why did he do this? Clearly he knew it was wrong and thought it would be funny. Did he actually touch her? A closer examination of the photo suggests no as the shadows of his fingers are clearly visible on the one hand and the other is too far away to have made contact. Honestly, I believe that, while this picture is not in good taste, it's not terribly incriminating for a man who made his living saying borderline inappropriate things for a laugh. However, and this is huge, the victim in this photograph suggests that this act was far from the only questionable one Franken initiated. By her count, he forcibly and inappropriately took advantage of a sketch they were performing where a kiss was written into the script.
So, what to do now? How does a consumer move forward knowing that the product is severely tainted? Until recently, we didn't know how bad it was.
For those of us fans, it's a tough break. I can't go back in time and question Franken's actions back-stage or actively campaign against him. I can't get my money back or make the choice to turn off the TV when they were being interviewed on the Daily Show. I can make the choice to avoid them in the future. Why would I read Franken's book now that I know what I do about his motivations years ago? I'm certainly not interested in a "fictional" Louis C.K. movie where a character exposes and then masturbates in front of other people. How long did we shun Paul Reubens for masturbating in an adult theater? That seems fairly pedestrian by comparison these days.
I suppose it's a reminder that our societal heroes are still people, people with deep faults. And, when those faults are exposed for what they are, it's up to us to determine whether they're forgivable or not. Certainly, as they admit the wrongdoing, we need to also focus on the blameless victims. Make sure, though, to empower them rather than pity and label lest they fall victim to our collective societal apathy a second time. As these things come to light, we also need to understand that the wrongdoing isn't legally punishable due to expired statutes of limitations. Another reason to support these victims of sexual misconduct, physical and emotional abuse. I believe you and I'm listening.
To start, I was a huge fan of Louis C.K. While people on the inside have been dealing with the rumors that he more-than-exposed himself to women, I wasn't aware. Women who looked up to him and his success. Me too. I watched his FX show and sympathized with his real-world characters. I watched his comedy specials and recommended the one where it's a conversation between him, Seinfeld, Chris Rock and Ricky Gervais and thought it was one of the best looks inside comedy I've ever seen. And, Sara and I went to see him perform at the Newark PAC and thought he was hilarious.
Today, at least in my news feed, a picture of Senator Al Franken groping a female reporter during a USO trip to Afghanistan reared its ugly head. As the now-Senator looks into the camera, grinning, his hands are outstretched towards her breasts in a suggestive act of inappropriate behaviour. Why did he do this? Clearly he knew it was wrong and thought it would be funny. Did he actually touch her? A closer examination of the photo suggests no as the shadows of his fingers are clearly visible on the one hand and the other is too far away to have made contact. Honestly, I believe that, while this picture is not in good taste, it's not terribly incriminating for a man who made his living saying borderline inappropriate things for a laugh. However, and this is huge, the victim in this photograph suggests that this act was far from the only questionable one Franken initiated. By her count, he forcibly and inappropriately took advantage of a sketch they were performing where a kiss was written into the script.
So, what to do now? How does a consumer move forward knowing that the product is severely tainted? Until recently, we didn't know how bad it was.
For those of us fans, it's a tough break. I can't go back in time and question Franken's actions back-stage or actively campaign against him. I can't get my money back or make the choice to turn off the TV when they were being interviewed on the Daily Show. I can make the choice to avoid them in the future. Why would I read Franken's book now that I know what I do about his motivations years ago? I'm certainly not interested in a "fictional" Louis C.K. movie where a character exposes and then masturbates in front of other people. How long did we shun Paul Reubens for masturbating in an adult theater? That seems fairly pedestrian by comparison these days.
I suppose it's a reminder that our societal heroes are still people, people with deep faults. And, when those faults are exposed for what they are, it's up to us to determine whether they're forgivable or not. Certainly, as they admit the wrongdoing, we need to also focus on the blameless victims. Make sure, though, to empower them rather than pity and label lest they fall victim to our collective societal apathy a second time. As these things come to light, we also need to understand that the wrongdoing isn't legally punishable due to expired statutes of limitations. Another reason to support these victims of sexual misconduct, physical and emotional abuse. I believe you and I'm listening.
Thursday, November 2, 2017
The Wrong Swamp
I have a bunch of disjointed thoughts this week, most of them political in nature, so bear with me.
Governor Christie, the Trump Administration's leading authority on the opioid crisis, had his commision released a report with 56 recommendations...and no budget. This comes a week after, when questioned "where will the money come from for your soon-to-be-released program, the Governor said that Congress will be held accountable for appropriating money. Don't you think, Governor, that it would be great if you hinted to how much that might be? When I heard his statement, I knew then that this administration is, once again, all talk, no show on the opioid crisis.
Bump stocks, not only are they not yet illegal, but they're back in business, Baby! According to Bloomberg, the devices that convert a semi-automatic weapon into a fully automatic weapon are for sale, and selling big. Why wouldn't they be? Well, thanks to delays in Congress actually doing something, advocates and would-be consumers are rushing to buy them before any anticipated legislation is passed. By the way, due to the fact that a large number of legislators are in the NRA's back pockets, my prediction is that this issue is dead. The NRA's strategy of laying low during periods following dramatic gun violence is working in their favor again. Thoughts and prayers are shit when it comes to gun violence, but it looks like this time thoughts and prayers are all we're going to get.
Unless you live under a rock, you know that a terrorist with brown skin drove onto a bike path in Lower Manhattan killing 8 and wounding many more. The President immediately called out Senate Majority Leader, Chuck Schumer, blaming him for an immigration lottery that allowed the alleged perpetrator into this country. He called it a "Schumer Beauty." Funny though that the law was executed by a republican president, and that Schumer and the bipartisan "Gang of 8" tried to kill it in 2013 in an immigration reform bill after seeing that the 1990 lottery program had serious problems. Senate Republicans blocked it in a 68-32 vote. Well done, morons. (note: the Presidents travel ban wouldn't have stopped this attack...or the attack by the white terrorist in Las Vegas, or the one by white terrorist Dylann Roof, or white terrorist Cliven Bundy in Nevada and then his sons in Oregon.)
For $200, you too can create advertisements on FaceBook, create nationalist or religious groups...or both, and inspire them to parade/protest each other in order to create some long-distance chaos as Russians did in 2016 in Houston. Right, they remotely started a riot. Well done. It's time, folks, that advertisements on social media should be monitored by the same agencies that monitor advertisements in print and on TV. However, we need to be mindful about two things: 1) as much as the tech giants point out that this flew under their radar, they took the ad revenues all the same. To FaceBook and Twitter, money is money, and as long as these ads were paid for, social media platforms were all too happy to pocked the money; 2) we need to be careful about banning these purposed propaganda campaigns. Why? First Amendment. It would be a slippery slope to go from banning these ideas to banning any and all opposing and contrasting views.
Suffice it to say, we have problems, and while I am the first one to point at the Cheeto-in-Chief, many, if not all of the above, have Congressional implications. It's time to get angry again people, angry at Congress for politicizing our lives, and acting only in ways that get them reelected through rhetoric and inaction. The President is right. As terrible as we, the people may think he is, Congress is worse. Maybe we were focusing on the wrong swamp?
Governor Christie, the Trump Administration's leading authority on the opioid crisis, had his commision released a report with 56 recommendations...and no budget. This comes a week after, when questioned "where will the money come from for your soon-to-be-released program, the Governor said that Congress will be held accountable for appropriating money. Don't you think, Governor, that it would be great if you hinted to how much that might be? When I heard his statement, I knew then that this administration is, once again, all talk, no show on the opioid crisis.
Bump stocks, not only are they not yet illegal, but they're back in business, Baby! According to Bloomberg, the devices that convert a semi-automatic weapon into a fully automatic weapon are for sale, and selling big. Why wouldn't they be? Well, thanks to delays in Congress actually doing something, advocates and would-be consumers are rushing to buy them before any anticipated legislation is passed. By the way, due to the fact that a large number of legislators are in the NRA's back pockets, my prediction is that this issue is dead. The NRA's strategy of laying low during periods following dramatic gun violence is working in their favor again. Thoughts and prayers are shit when it comes to gun violence, but it looks like this time thoughts and prayers are all we're going to get.
Unless you live under a rock, you know that a terrorist with brown skin drove onto a bike path in Lower Manhattan killing 8 and wounding many more. The President immediately called out Senate Majority Leader, Chuck Schumer, blaming him for an immigration lottery that allowed the alleged perpetrator into this country. He called it a "Schumer Beauty." Funny though that the law was executed by a republican president, and that Schumer and the bipartisan "Gang of 8" tried to kill it in 2013 in an immigration reform bill after seeing that the 1990 lottery program had serious problems. Senate Republicans blocked it in a 68-32 vote. Well done, morons. (note: the Presidents travel ban wouldn't have stopped this attack...or the attack by the white terrorist in Las Vegas, or the one by white terrorist Dylann Roof, or white terrorist Cliven Bundy in Nevada and then his sons in Oregon.)
For $200, you too can create advertisements on FaceBook, create nationalist or religious groups...or both, and inspire them to parade/protest each other in order to create some long-distance chaos as Russians did in 2016 in Houston. Right, they remotely started a riot. Well done. It's time, folks, that advertisements on social media should be monitored by the same agencies that monitor advertisements in print and on TV. However, we need to be mindful about two things: 1) as much as the tech giants point out that this flew under their radar, they took the ad revenues all the same. To FaceBook and Twitter, money is money, and as long as these ads were paid for, social media platforms were all too happy to pocked the money; 2) we need to be careful about banning these purposed propaganda campaigns. Why? First Amendment. It would be a slippery slope to go from banning these ideas to banning any and all opposing and contrasting views.
Suffice it to say, we have problems, and while I am the first one to point at the Cheeto-in-Chief, many, if not all of the above, have Congressional implications. It's time to get angry again people, angry at Congress for politicizing our lives, and acting only in ways that get them reelected through rhetoric and inaction. The President is right. As terrible as we, the people may think he is, Congress is worse. Maybe we were focusing on the wrong swamp?
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