Ho Ho, No!

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Chester Borough, NJ is not like burgeoning culinary centers such as Astoria Queens, San Diego, or Baltimore.  However, in the last 6 years since I’ve worked here, it’s gotten better with the addition of multiple sushi restaurants, a Thai restaurant and an Indian buffet.  Somebody is listening.  However, as you’re probably aware, exotic cuisine typically comes at the cost of increased prices, and Chester is no different.  While you can get a $4.00 sandwich from the local Shop Rite, lunch at the aforementioned is a $12 bill (which includes tip).  What’s a dude to do for lunch?

Enter the Ho Ho Kitchen, an unassuming Chinese take-out place, not dissimilar to the thousands like it across this great nation.  Like most of these, Ho Ho is the greasy great uncle to the previously mentioned newer establishments: it’s been there forever, you know it’s not good for you in the long run, and you’ll regret the experience sooner than later.  It’s great.  Now, I’m sure they do a mean beef with broccoli as most American Chinese restaurants do, but I’ve never ordered that.  I have a penchant for their curried chicken and onions or their pepper chicken, which is lightly breaded and stir fried with an exceptional dose of…well, pepper.  I should mention that, with your order, you get a small soup (of your choosing) or soda, and rice: pork-fried, white or brown…all for the low, low price of $7.  That’s right, for just over half of what you would spend at another Asian eatery, you’ve gone and stuffed yourself rotten to the point where a 2pm nap may be the only thing keeping you from having MSG hallucinations.

So, with a heavy heart, I regale this tale.  On my way to the bank today I saw a large police presence in front of the alley-way that leads to the HHK.  Yes, this “hole-in-the-wall” is literally in a hole in the wall, sandwiched between a brand new gym and an automobile service center.  As the gym is quite new, I immediately assumed that the extra attention must be for some work-out wannabe who fell off a step-machine, or something like that.  No worries, I’ll walk past the cops and the EMTs and get my pepper chicken as planned when I’m done with the bank.  Upon my return, there was another police car there, and two paramedic vehicles along with an ambulance.  “Wow,” I thought, “somebody really effed themselves up!”  I parked, and got out, and joked with the EMT about how I hoped it wasn’t something someone ate at the Ho Ho.  He said, no…straight faced, it was the owner. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sure enough, on the stretcher with one hand bandaged up, the owner of the Ho Ho Kitchen…the purveyor of fine 2^nd hand meats and questionable non-FDA-approved home brew hot sauces, was my main man.  His wife was an upset wreck, and dude didn’t look too good.  I’m sure he’ll be fine as soon as they reattach whatever he may have inadvertently lopped off.  So, I turn to you, my “regular” readers to help me pray for one of the only two people in that place who can translate the orders to the chefs so that, by this time next week, I’ll be unable to write a blog entry due to a moo-shu induced coma.