Reconsiderations

Over the last month, momentum has picked up by my classmates who graduated with me in 1993 from high school, to hold a 25th anniversary reunion.  I got invited by some of the FaceBook group organizers to join the group so that I didn't miss out on planning updates.  It was kind of exciting to see familiar faces (albeit older) file in to this virtual meeting place, many of them I hadn't friended either because we weren't close in high school, or because I just forgot that they were part of my life for four years.

I would like to think I got along with most of my classmates even though I was a year younger than the majority of them.  The thought of reconnecting in the real world was both intriguing and scary.  Is this something I would like to do?  I keep in decent touch with a number of friends from that time in my life thanks to FaceBook, so I don't really feel like I don't make an effort.  This reunion would just, potentially, increase the number of people "friending" me, but probably wouldn't amount to any significant reconnections.

And then, today, there was a post about a boy who died while we were in school together.  If I remember correctly, the story was that he was in a car, filled with others our age, being driven by a teenager, that was speeding down a road until it hit a speed bump and launched itself into a phone pole.  And that was that.  I don't remember if the other boys died too.  I do remember him though.  Why?  He bullied me terribly my freshman year, specifically in gym class.  As I said, I was smaller and younger than most around me.  I tried to avoid him, but when he and his friends needed a laugh, they would "catch" me and put me into any number of WWF wrestling moves: suplex, body slam, etc. on the mats in the weight room.  It was extremely painful, and relentless for about four consecutive weeks when the teacher allowed students to do free lifting, largely unsupervised.

The post today spoke about honoring him with a tribute at the reunion.  At least 30 or so people in this FB group immediately wrote about how much they missed him...and how many good times they had with him in elementary, middle school and high school.  All I can think about is how horrible he was to me and how I haven't gotten over the abuse I took during that relatively short time where our paths crossed.  I've mentioned this story to two or three others who knew us both over the years, but never had any real need to take it further than that.  I mean, the place in the Venn diagram where this information is even relevant is so infinitesimally small that there was (nearly) literally no one who could relate.  Until now.

Instinct is screaming for me to write how negatively he impacted my life and my memories of him in that group.  Luckily, judgement is keeping me from writing anything ill of the long deceased.  What good would it do?  I'm sure I'm not the only one who he treated like this.  Writing that group with my thoughts would clearly alienate me amongst the group.  Any tribute to this boy at our reunion is enough to keep me away from it...and that's probably what I will wind up doing.  FaceBook has facilitated my ability to rebuild connections with the people I cared about in high school.  For those not on FB, I've also re-found long lost friends on Instagram and Linked-In.  I don't need this reunion.  I don't need those memories. 

And, this must be what it feels like for all of those women who have come out indicating that they too were assaulted.  In my case, it's really easy to justify staying quiet.  My aggressor has long been dead.  For the women coming out and indicating that they were unfairly taken advantage of, the public court of judgement is still out.  The potential for ridicule and embarrassment is tremendous.  I didn't intentionally write this post so that it could tie in to what is happening now, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that there was overlap.  What many of those women have experienced is magnitudes more severe than what happened to me, and we as a society need to be addressing this with open ears and open minds. 

This isn't to say that you should immediately believe everything you hear.  However, ask yourself "by coming forward with their stories, what is it that they hope to gain?"  For me, I just wanted the people who are actively eulogizing this boy to know that there was another side, a side that inflicted both physical and emotional scars that have lasted 25 years.  I want them to understand.  However, it's not like I could get him removed from the group or fired or prosecuted.  I just wanted them to know my story, my experience, before they make up their minds...just as the majority of woman who have been coming forward with "allegations" of sexual assault.  They aren't doing so for financial or political gain.  They just want you to know about their experience with people who get off on hurting others with their power.  Whether it's their physical size, or the position they hold, these power-play acts are unacceptable.

Due to a peripherally related unfortunate event, I feel strongly that these stories need to be told and that society needs to right itself and breed out the brutal machinations and patterns of abuse.  I, for one, am listening.

It's not a war

Let me be clear, there's no war on Christmas.

I've seen this claim on bumper stickers and headlines about politicians and evangelicals calling out  majors enterprises who use "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas."  The President has made comments about it's resurrection after decades of supposed obscurity:

"Remember I said we're bringing Christmas back? Christmas is back, bigger and better than ever before. We're bringing Christmas back."

And, he's not the only one who believes that it's been missing.  My question is, where do people like this think it's gone?

The President hails from New York, and I can't think of any one place more in tune with the season than Manhattan.  It starts with the Thanksgiving Day Parade (affectionately called the 'Macy's Day Parade' in my house) where the event is capped with Santa Claus as the official end of the parade...every year since 1924!  Technically, Santa was crowned "King of the Kiddies" in 1924 and was permanently stationed at 34th street; he didn't march...but that's semantics. 

It's been long known that Thanksgiving officially begins the Christmas season, though stores begin prepping for it as soon as the Halloween rush is over on November 1st.  That said, store-fronts all across the United States begin their holiday push by decorating every inch in Christmas-specific decorations.  Up and down 5th Avenue in New York, the major department stores provide Christmas-centric themed decorative windows to both advertise their wares as well as dazzle passers-by with (now) feats of technologically assisted stories full of animatronic characters and special effects. 
But, that's just New York.  I dare you to walk into any chain retail store or restaurant where Christmas music isn't blaring.  I dare you to shop on the Internet without seeing Christmas-inspired advertisements.  I dare you to turn on your TV without seeing Christmas specials, or decorations on morning talk-shows or commercial after commercial for the previously mentioned retail stores.  It's impossible to escape.  

Now, what the President and people like him are likely referencing in their belief that there's a war on Christmas is that many large institutions have taken to wishing people a Happy Holidays instead of a Merry Christmas.  Duh.  Multi-national corporations, who want to appeal to people of varied ethnicities, will and should adopt a generic holiday greeting so as to not exclude anyone.  It's called capitalism.  Also, as a method of cost savings, it makes the most sense to have this phrase on products that cross into regions where Christianity isn't the dominant religion.  Again, see Capitalism: 101.

As a Jew, I appreciate it when a person doesn’t immediately think I celebrate Christ. I respect others holidays, but, as previously stated, we minorities can’t easily escape the capitalistic juggernaut that is Christmas. It’s nice to know that many of our neighbors and friends respect us enough to not further shove it down our throats when they wish us a "Happy Holidays." I love how impassioned people can get about the Christmas holiday, but as you weigh the war on Christmas, remember that there are many holidays this time of year.  Out of respect, I believe it's appropriate to wish you a "Happy Holidays" regardless of your level of faith. That way, you can take it to mean whatever it means to you, and celebrate the concept and intention of well wishing to the fullest...because maybe, just maybe, nobody is waging a war on your belief system.  It's quite possible that they're merely trying to be kind and compassionate, and hope that you too will have a very healthy and happy holiday season, however you choose to celebrate it.