Stats

Very quickly, I've cleared 8,000 views, and I think that's a fairly significant milestone.  I wanted to share four statistics that are linked with those views, some of them obvious, and some a bit more surprising.  In an effort to keep your attention through this entire post, I'll go from boring to interesting so, if you can't wait to see what I find interesting you can skip to the end.  Granted, if you weren't interested in things I found interesting, I never would have made it up and over 8k views...but I digress.

Fact 1 - Most of the traffic that comes to this blog is from FaceBook.  This is a no brainer.  Long before Trump was trying to popularize "bigly," I've been using "bloggies" to alert my now 769 acquaintances who associate with me on the FB.  Granted, if you average it out, I get about 58 reads a week.  Considering that works out to  7.5% of potential FaceBook peeps, I'm certainly not as captivating as 8,000 total reads sounds.

Fact 2 - When they took my mom's dog, that's when I got the most readers.  Of those 8081 views, 527 or 6.5% of the total views were because people shared that story.  And, share they did.  However, it's interesting.  Rounding out the top 5 posts are my stories about bad neighbors, a follow up to the dog story and two posts I made about losing people to cancer.  (p.s. #fuckcancer).  Either I'm super depressing or you folks love to watch a train-wreck.

Fact 3 - Most people read my blog using their desktop/laptop in Chrome.  That's 31%.  Following that closely are people who read it on their iPhone or iPad (28%) followed by Firefox, Safari, Internet Explorer/Edge and Android.  What was interesting to me was that less than 1% were using a browser named SILK which is only available on the Kindle Fire.  I'm guessing that's a single person so here's a shout-out to you, you Kindle user...keep on Firing.  Oh, and those Chrome users are largely using Windows OS vs. OSx (32% vs. 16% respectively).

Fact 4 -  Finally, while my readership is overwhelmingly in the US of A (89%), here are some other countries' inhabitants who have perused the blog:

France	253
Russia	138
Germany	77
Malaysia	52
Ireland	35
China	26
Canada	21
United Kingdom	14
Ukraine	14

I think I understand how Germany, Ireland, Canada and UK fit.  What's boggling is the hits I get from Russia, China and the Ukraine.  Please, if you're there...send me a note so I feel less paranoid about a communist plot!  (Communism is just a red herring!)  Anyway, now that you're all asleep, I promise to write something depressing next week because I know you all love it.  Honestly, if I just copy and paste this entry, that might be depressing enough...or the fact that I still actively play Pokemon Go...without my kids...sometimes at lunch at work...most lunches at work.

Now I'm depressing myself.

Ringing Hallow

And another thing...

If you go to Amazon and type in "woman's Halloween costume" I challenge you to find one that's not either skin-tight or short skirted.  If we're going to be honest with ourselves and our desire to change the cultural mindset away from abusive tendencies, then I suggest we also address the capitalistic skeleton in our closet.  Shit wouldn't be this way if we weren't buying this crap/playing into the stereotype that all women's costumes should be alluring/sexy.  What message are we sending to our daughters when the first two Harry Potter costumes for women are "Sexy Death Eater" and "Jojo Sexy Gorgeous Wizard Wanda?"  I don't even know what the fuck that is, but I do know, from the picture, it's supposed to be a student at Hogwarts who had lip fillers, fake boobs, and is at least 22...which means she's failed Potions class more times than she's willing to admit.

Gizmodo nailed it when they wrote this blog entry identifying the most terrifying "sexy" costumes available this year. 

So my thought is this: if we're so adamant that a man shouldn't be talking about forcing himself on women as a lark, then we should also change the frat-party culture that a woman's desire to dress up for Halloween needs to include bared breasts and spandex.  This isn't the ONLY thing that needs to change regarding our collective mindset, just one that comes to the forefront every year around this time. 

And, if you think, well, who's buying that stuff anyway, I urge you to attend New York City's parade on the 31st.    A simple Google search of last year's event proves the point. 

I'm saying these things not to dissuade people from dressing up the way they want to.  I'm saying them because I'd like my daughter to be able to see that, when you hit a certain age (have a certain body) it's not expected.  Right now I'm having issue with the Mouse from Florida.  The Disney propaganda machine has infiltrated my home.  And, yes, I think my daughter is a princess, but due to the Mouse media machine, the theme is neigh unavoidable.  Still, my little girl will always be told that she can be anything she wants to...including President of the United States, or Rapunzel...but that neither need to display compromised modesty or values to be represented correctly.
 

I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.

Look, it’s early October, and that can only mean one thing: it’s only 2 months until my birthday.  Yes yes.  I’ll give you time to stop your applause and adulations.  As in years past, there are some things that I think say “Look, this is most certainly what he wants…it IS him.”  And, in case you’re not saying that, here’s a short list of amazing gifts you should consider bestowing upon me.

I think my love of coffee is well documented (here), especially my need for fresh press-pots of coffee.  I also love Star Wars, and if you didn’t know that then maybe we’re not truly friends/related.  I give you the perfect amalgam: The Star WarsR2-D2 Coffee Press.  Yes, if you’re like me, you’re going to need a jolt of caffeine in order to stay awake during your next Star Wars marathon.  What better way to make a solid pot of brew?  Follow my formula of 1-scoop per cup, add hot water, let brew, make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs and Presto!

A runner up to that are these light-up Darth Vader chopsticks.  Yes please.

Not expensive enough for you?  Fine, I can handle that.  I mean, you don’t want to be presenting me with cheap trinkets when you can afford to get me something of higher value (albeit not a higher necessity).  Enter the AudioQuest DragonFly USB Digital to Analog Converter and Apple Lightning toUSB Camera Adapter.  What the hell do you do with that.  Well, I’m still working on my quest to have some truly superior music course through my ears, and this is the “it goes to 11” device that will propel my high-quality audio files into the stratosphere.  Basically, it takes the processing responsibility of processing those zeros and ones away from the iPhone and, instead, takes on that responsibility itself.  You plug this into the iPhone Lightning port, and plug your headphones into this and Presto! Better sounding high fidelity files!  And, it also comes in Red!  How cool is that?

Finally, I thought, you know what I need more than anything else in the world?  The MonkeyLectricMonkey Light M232 full wheel illumination system!  Huh?  Yup! You affix several strings of multi-colored LEDs to your spokes on your bike, load a couple of patterns and pictures, and mount the battery pack to the hub, and presto, you’re a rolling graphic equalizer.  While the wheel spins, these waterproof LEDs light up in a wide array of colors, images and patterns in “hundreds of color combinations” provided you’re going over 10mph.  Throw the Bluetooth speaker into your bag, blast some grateful dead, and head out for a post-sunset, cycle-psychedelic ride.  I’m not sure how I ever bicycled without these before!

And there you have it, this year’s NEED list for my birthday!  Granted, I’m sharing this all with you as my family will likely veto all of the items on this list in favor of a card and maybe a dinner out at a Chinese restaurant of my choice.  But, hey, wouldn’t it be great if I could bring my own chopsticks???  Yes, I think so too.