A Beretta Burrito Please

I’m a bit divided.  On one hand, I wanted to tell you that, when describing my ramen experience (complete with 1000 year old duck egg) to the sushi chef Sara and I frequently go to, he said, “You want it?  I’ll make it for you.”  Drizzled with sesame oil and garnished with ginger, it was amazing, totally tempered the potentially off-putting, sulfuric smell sometimes associated with the fermented egg. 

However, Instead of something as joyous as that…I think I need to rant about gun control (cue rolling of the eyes).  I know I’m not the only one, and certainly I don’t have any answers, but I can’t help but imagine there’s a way to either enforce our existing gun control laws or establish new ones where these psychotic and deadly outbursts are somewhat curbed and reduced.

It’s not enough to say that, due to the prevalence of media and easy access of news there’s a degree of over-reporting.  True, as our world gets smaller due to our connectivity, we will likely be aware of issues in corners of this globe we never imagined.  Still, the outrage that was Columbine, and then Sandy Hook, CT, hasn’t really hit home.  The statistic in the news media is that there have been 74 shootings since the Sandy Hook incident.  Holy shit!  And, while 74 is a relatively small sample size of our population who are insane/misunderstood/misdiagnosed enough to violently act out like this, try conceptualizing the number of impacted individuals. 

Let’s take Sandy Hook, which had 456 children enrolled there between kindergarten and fourth grade.  Each student has at least one parent, most likely two, who are responsible for their being there.  Let’s say that there are 1.75 parents for each student.  That equates to 798 individuals, plus the 456 for a total of 1,254 students and families at the very least.  Add teachers and staff and you’re quickly approaching around 1,300 victims…at least, especially when enrollment at Columbine is closer to 1,700, and UCSB, in 2012, had an enrollment of 21,000!  From these three incidents alone, using similar formula to show order of magnitude, that’s roughly 65,000 victims.

OK, Herb, that’s enough, and definitely an extreme.  Fine, but don’t tell me that each of those students weren’t potentially impacted by the events that happened there.  Bullshit.  More math: taking those as small/medium/large, and using them as the “average,” over the course of 74 shootings, you’re talking about over 1.6 million victims.   But, Herb, you say, your sensationalist take on how many impacted people there are is, well, sensational.  I’ll apologize.  As most of that number is heavily influenced by UCSB, I’ll cop to being sensational.  However, in 2013, there were 31,205 students enrolled at Virginia Tech…so I think that my numbers are, at least logical.

OK, so fine, what does it mean?  Regardless of where you stand on gun control laws, the number of affected people is so incredibly large, that it REQUIRES us to pay attention to it.  It’s half a percent of the population of the United States and roughly the population of the City of Philadelphia (2012 Census).  This is not insignificant. 

And, what are we doing about it?  Dip-shit-squat.  Yet, when 13 people die due to known vehicle ignition malfunctions, GM recalls 2.6 million cars, is ordered to pay a paltry $35 million fine, and will be answering many lawsuits and questions in the coming months.  CBS is reporting that GM recalled more cars in 2014 than it sold in the last 5 years! 

People, where is your outrage???  When your product is so dysfunctional that it impacts the lives of over 1.6 million people, when is something going to be done?  WHY ARE WE NOT FIXING THE GUN PROBLEM?  Fine, right to keep and bear arms, you win, and it’s constitutional.  Then let’s beef up background checks.  Nothing to hide?  Great, here’s your gun, complete with a fingerprint ID safety.  Have it Bluetooth to your iPhone 5s!  Let’s go people!  Please, Mr. Hunter, explain why, when hunting deer, you need a rapid fire, semi-automatic weapon to get the job done with a large capacity clip.  Do you suck at hunting that much?  Please, I understand hunting.  I’ve eaten venison, moose, bison, elk, etc.  I get it.  Meat is damn delicious, but lead gets stuck in my teeth.  So, before you get this AK-47 assault rifle, we just want to know that you’re mentally fit to handle this weapon.  Shit, you have to take a sit-down exam and a moving/driving exam…and need to pass both to drive a car!  For a gun license in NJ, it’s all paperwork and a supposed background check.  Please make sure you check off the box for “not crazy” before you submit.

This isn’t a tirade about gun control, but something must be done to stop these tragedies before they start.  Human interaction during an exam is one way.  Someone should be responsible for signing off on your ability to carry a weapon...and be held responsible when a gross error is made.  I’m not entirely sure why it’s harder to get a driving license these days.  While dangerous, the express purpose of the vehicle is to transport you from A to B.  Sure, it can be used as a weapon, but so can a lacrosse stick, and a butter knife.  And, I guess there are more cars in the public eye than guns…well, until those idiots started wearing them to Target, Walmart and Chipotle. 

Of course I think we need to be able to defend ourselves against an oppressive government.  Never again (even though the last time we needed to do that was 1865)!  Right?  However, I’ve got a recommendation: put down your firearms and start fighting the inequities of government the more modern way: DDOS (Denial of Service attacks) and hacking.  Far less people will die when FaceBook or Whitehouse.gov goes offline…I promise you.  

http://www.vox.com/2014/6/10/5797306/map-school-shooting-sandy-hook