FADE IN:
THE NEWSROOM STUDIO
Intro music is up-tempo and “exciting.”
Typical sports desk.
Loud lighting and continuous score ticker on the bottom scrolling
throughout. Our hosts are at the desk, both
facing camera 1 with “green screen” behind them showing logo of the league and
other station-specific graphics. It’s game day!
Bud RotCrotch
Hello, I’m Bud Rotcrotch here with Sam Stinkfinger on Racist Sports
Net. Tonight on RSN we’re going to
preview all the games, give you the names and call out the shame!
Sam Stinkfinger
That’s right, Bud.
First, let’s start with the Boston Micks at the New York Heebs. Tonight, as is traditional, the Heebs will be
wearing the home-field white with blue stripes, and helmets complete with black
yarmulke and payot. The Micks will be in
all green and gold, as is the leprechaun’s tradition.
Bud
Funny little guys.
Ha. Anyway, big game for the
Heebs as they’ve come off 18 self-depricating losses. That’s just bad luck!
Sam
You bet it is.
Quarterback Ishmael Schnirson isn’t the athlete his mom wanted him to
be. Actually, word has it, she had him
pegged as a doctor or a lawyer.
Regardless, it seems that he’s barely accurate past 8 yds from
scrimmage. That’s going to be a problem
for them tonight as the Irish will come out fighting.
Bud
Well, at least for the first half. Typical of the Micks, they’re extremely aggressive
during the first 30 minutes of play, but by the second half, most of them are
trying to sleep it off. Just what are
they putting in that water cooler? I’d
bet even money that they’re stone drunk by the middle of the 3rd. Makes it really hard to win games.
Sam
You can say that again, for Boston to win, they really need
to not start drinking until AFTER halftime!
Bud
That may be hard to do as, just like all Heebs home games, at
halftime there will be a briss on the 50.
The Manischewitz will be flowing tonight! Let’s hope the mohel drinks after he makes
the cut!
Sam
Ouch, that’ll leave a mark!
Bud
Let’s move to San Diego now where the home-town Border-crossers
will face the Kentucky Ass-Backward Bumpkins.
What do you think, Sam? Will the
Bumpkins be able to get that wall up in time?
Sam
That’s what they keep talking about every week, but as we
know from their 7-1 record, the Border-crossers are persistent, wall or no wall. When they want something, they just keep
coming for it! Their only big loss was
last week in Arizona when half of the team got caught without their papers. How do you say in Spanish “You Lose?”
Bud
I don’t know that, but I do know that the Bumpkins aren’t
likely to win this game. For one, they
cheat like crazy. Half of them are
inbred or working on their 4th marriage, and even when they’re
assigned a position, some of them just refuse to do their job! It’s amazing that this team gets re-elected
year after year.
Sam
I think it comes down to their coaching staff. Real political bunch with deep pockets. Doesn’t matter how insane they seem, the
coaches seem to know just who to schmooze.
Bud
I’m not sure they’d use the term, “Schmooze,” Sam, too
Jewish.
Sam
Good Catch. OK, time
to go to commercial. [CUE MUSIC] When we come out of
the break, we’re going to go to Washington where the Redskins have
perpetual quarterback problems.
Bud
Oof, who thought of that name? Anyway, more to come on the RSN, after this…
FADE OUT:
The End
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