Nuts for Photos!

Photography…If you know me, then you know that I have a passion for nature photography.  And, typically, the shots I feel like I’ve gotten the most out of are of landscapes.  What’s amazing, at least to me, is that I don’t typically have to go off-road or off-trail too often to capture some really scenic views.  National and State Parks know where the vistas are, and typically provide parking right there so that people don’t inadvertently clog the road as they stop to see.

Our national parks are so amazing but most NJ people don’t tend to go, and that makes my shots somewhat exotic.  NJ is a pretty bad place for landscapes until you go out west towards Pennsylvania, or east to get shore shots.  Just too many people.  So, imagine how distressed I get when I've gone halfway across the country and  I witness people taking selfies at those same "exotic" locations.  You’re ruining the picture people!  Get someone to take it for you, but your big fat heads are getting in the way of something much bigger than yourself.

And then came planking: selfies of me lying on god-knows-whatever, stiff as a board, for no apparent reason.  I don’t really know what inspires people to go places, lay down, and have their picture taken.  It’s flat out stupid for stupid’s sake.  Dumbest. Pictures. Ever. Which is what I thought…until I discovered #nutscaping.

Go ahead.  Login to Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr or Instagram.  I’ll wait. 

Now, I think you’d normally find me as angry about this as I am intolerant of the aforementioned.  But, before you draw a conclusion, I’ll first say…I don’t hate it.  Anyone can lay down fully clothed, but it takes a real man to bare his balls out in the open, bend over, and snap an otherwise fantastic landscape shot, albeit with his dangly bits in the top parts of the frame.  That isn’t to say that there isn’t a right way and a wrong way to #nutscape. 

Take this gent.  This is the wrong way to do it.  Way too much of the sunset (or sunrise) is hidden behind your junk. 

However, this dude, absolutely nails it.  I know because I’ve been in this spot at sunrise at Bryce Canyon National Park.  Just the way that his man-bits obscure the sun so that he can compose the rest of his image…with the hoodoos and mountains of Utah in the background…just breathtaking.

Now, I don’t have aspirations of competing with these gents as it’s not my type of photography.  But, as with all art, if done correctly, it can be awe-inspiringly beautiful…or at least hysterically funny and well executed. 

(And then, if you want to see some real nature money shots…here’s a link to my on-line gallery.)

Mixed Bag: Coffee, Star Wars, and Football

Just a mish-mash of things that are floating around in my head:

Today, Amazon has a really nice Bodum 8-cup French Press coffee maker for only $26.46 and 2-day shipping with Prime membership.  That's a ridiculously low price for this press that regularly costs around $50.  8 cups is enough for 2 1/2 tall mugs of coffee...and enough Joe for you and a friend to be highly caffeinated in about 4-minutes of steeping time.  If memory serves, I think my 4-cup version of the same press cost $40.


And, while you're at it, grab this grinder, find some freshly roasted beans, and make yourself some mother-loving coffee.

Next, Star Wars is coming.  If you didn't know that, you live under a rock with your hands over your eyes and fingers in your ears.  The marketing campaign is in full "FORCE" as Disney will make sure that every man, woman and child will know the true power of the dark side.  I know there are 6 other Star Wars movies, but you and I both know that only three of those count...and only three of those directly contribute to the latest release/s.  So, back to Amazon you go, where for $55, you can get the ORIGINAL Trilogy.  The prequels to these (Eps. 1, 2, and 3) should just be considered optional back-story into Darth Vader's life...which I believe is mostly inconsequential.  Who cares?  The only movies you're going to need in your collection will be the aforementioned linked ones, and the soon-to-be-released Episodes 7, 8 and 9...one a year, starting December 17th!  Trust me.  The next three Christmas movie seasons will be nerd-gasm material.

Speaking of football (what?), I'm thoroughly enjoying this year's games, somewhat.  As a Giants fan, there's as much to like as there is to hate.  Fantasy is always good and it's fun to track teams you would otherwise not give two shits about.  More TV stations are covering football than ever: CBS, NBC, FOX, ESPN and NFL.  Not sure that the NFL Network coverage helps or hinders.  However, I think the better question is, what scandal will emerge during this year's off season to keep people interested in the NFL when games aren't even being played?  That's right, lending credence to my conspiracy theory is the way that the NFL handled Ray Rice (and to a lesser extent, Adrien Peterson), and the subsequently how it handled Tom Brady and the Patriots.  For Ray Rice, I believe (and I have no proof of this) that once the NFL learned about the beating in AC, they immediately got their money-machine running back into a therapy program, and convinced Ray and his beaten girlfriend, to tie the knot...immediately!  He beat her in mid February and by the end of March they were married.  Cover-up, cover-up, cover-up.  When the news broke, they allowed the media machine to cover the story for the entire off-season!    And, if the video of him actually doing it didn't get out, he would have served his 2-game suspension, and then started making NFL money again in mid-September.  Well, the video leaked, and he was fired...but reinstated in late November...because the NFL didn't have enough causation to keep him out due to the fact that the authorities didn't do anything either (probably influenced by the NFL.)

Fast forward to the 2014 post season and Superbowl.  Gee, what can we blow (pun intended) out of proportion to keep the NFL in the news from March to September?  I know, let's dole out more harsh penalties that will eventually be overturned...just before the regular season starts...to the Patriots and Tom Brady so that we'll have some news to cover over the summer.  Think I'm nuts that this was all just an orchestrated media event?  Take into account that the NFL suspended Brady for the first four games of the season.  If that suspension was upheld, his first game back would have been this past weekend, when the Pats played the Indianapolis Colts, the very team that accused the Patriots of ball tampering.  WHAT A GREAT STORY THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN!  Extra, extra, read all about it: the angry quarterback makes his season debut against the very team that got him suspended in the first place!  Let me be clear, the Patriots are a bunch of cheating idiots.  And, the argument that was floating out there is that the NFL is picking on New England, and that every team in the NFL has some skeletons in their collective closets.  Tell that to Lance Armstrong.  The logic of "everyone does it" is BS.  The Pats took the NFL fines without flinching.  Why?  Because that shit happened.  Tom Brady spiked his phone on the ground...because, that's the Patriot way (see: Aaron Hernandez).  Still, as we now know, the NFL penalty was (again) too harsh.  Brady was immediately reinstated just before the season started, and we're now so deep into games, the scandals have taken a back-seat.

Mark my words...some bullshit will rear its ugly head and be responsible for 6 months of water-cooler talk, until the preseason starts up again in August.  Why?  Because this is the NFL's new publicity model...and it's worked brilliantly!

Eat'em and Beat'em, 2

If it's good, then there's likely to be a sequel.  Same is the case with my quest to Eat'em and Beat'em as a tailgater at Met Life Stadium.

The Giants played two teams where I hadn't made something before: the Atlanta Falcons and the San Francisco 49ers.

Let's start with Atlanta.  What's unique to Atlanta?  Well, there's grits, but that seemed to be a generic Southern US food.  With it being mid-September, I remembered that Atlanta resides in Georgia, and, as their license plates show, the peach is king.  But, what to do? 

I started by quartering the peaches, about 10 of them, and placing them all into a Ziploc bag.  In that bag, I added a liberal amount of brown sugar, cinnamon and kosher salt.  I mixed it all together and threw it in the cooler for game-day.

Once at the stadium, I had a pan that I could put directly over a grill.  I coated the pan with an olive-oil non-stick spray, and started cooking the peaches, moving them around a bit as to keep them from burning.  When I realized that they were almost soft I took about 8oz of Coca-Cola and poured that in, allowing the peaches to simmer in the Coke.  Why Coke?  Because Atlanta is the national headquarters for the company and it seemed fitting.

When they were soft to the touch (but still firm enough to stick a fork into (about 15 min total in the pan), I took them off the heat to let them cool.  Then, I took a small scoop of a "honey" chevre, and laid it where the pit would have been in each of the quarters...finishing off the peach with crumbled (and previously cooked/cooled) bacon.

This shit was goddam tasty.

For San Francisco, I wanted to incorporate both sourdough and Rice-a-Roni.  Taking a pound of shrimp, I used the seasoning packed for the pilaf box, and coated them evenly, adding about 2 tablespoons of dried thyme.  I wanted to keep them moist and so, again, I turned to a pan with olive oil over the grill to cook them...about 10 minutes, and until they were opaque and pink.  Then, I plated them by taking a half a sourdough roll (thanks Trader Joes), adding a tangy honey mustard, and putting between 2 and 3 shrimp on them.  Toothpicks are necessary for this as the rolls tend to pop open.  What would have made this perfect would have been a couple of cucumber slices...but, when eating it, you could really taste the pilaf mix and the delicious sourdough.  A perfect finger food in early October in the parking lot.

Next home-game will be against Dallas...so, there will definitely be meat involved.  As the [injured] quarterback is of Mexican descent, that may factor into it.  Yum.

It happened again

Because I don't truly know who is reading this blog, I will make the assumption that I am preaching to the choir.  Today, news sites are reporting yet another mass shooting, this time in Arizona at North Arizona University: 4 injured and one confirmed dead.

It's a week since the last mass shooting.

The "guns don't kill people,  people kill people" argument sucks for many reasons.  One, if that's true, why is our military trained in the use of firearms?  Defense?  Why not send in a bunch of bare-knuckled Navy Seals to rid us of evil-doers?  Right, ridiculous.

The thing is, I believe in hunting for food.  I believe that, due to the fringe ecosystems we maintain (i.e. yards, suburban development), we've caused an explosion of certain wildlife, which, are not just responsible for auto accidents in NJ, but also loss of indigenous species due to overgrazing.  I get it.  And, to hunt, you're not sneaking up on the deer with a bowie knife held in your teeth.  You're using a longer-ranged weapon, bow or rifle or shotgun.  That said, hunting also requires, not just a weapon, but a permit as well.  There's documentation.

And, NJ, due to its density, tends to have more restrictive gun laws on the books.  NJ requires a permit, runs universal background checks, has no silly "stand your ground" policy, makes it difficult to carry (both concealed and open), and has a 7-day wait period.  This graphic link is well sourced (Law Center to Prevent Gun Violence, CDC, NRA) and shows that, using 2013 data, NJ had 5.7 per 100,000 people gun-related deaths.  Only 6 people still sounds like too many, but compared to Arkansas' 20 per 100k, where you can practically walk into a gas station and buy a gun, it's far better.


The thing is, laws like NJ's should be the norm across the country.  It doesn't prevent the purchase of firearms.  It doesn't violate the constitution.  It's just common sense shit.

The problem is the squeaky wheels on the opposite side of the isle who don't understand the facts...and when presented with them, won't listen.  It's our job, then, to politicize this in an effort to elect like-minded politicians who can push common sense and keep out the lunatics who are frequently in the news for their outrageous statements, including our "pander to the right" governor. 

To help, here's a link to help you write your NJ State legislators:

http://www.njleg.state.nj.us/members/legsearch.asp

Here's a link to NJ's national representatives:

https://www.govtrack.us/congress/members/NJ

And, here's what you're going to copy and paste (edit as necessary):

Dear Congressman:

As a NJ resident, I would like to encourage you to support Senator Chuck Schumer's (D, NY) proposal to start a national referendum on improving gun laws in our country.  In light of the tragedy this morning at Northern Arizona University, -- and in and in Oregon, and in Charleston, and in Newtown, and in Aurora, and in Tucson, and in Fort Hood, and at Virginia Tech, and in Columbine, and in Oak Creek, and so many more -- we know that no more time can be wasted.  As citizens of the United States, we have a moral obligation to keep guns out of the hands of people who may harm themselves or others.

Research demonstrates that in the states that already require background check for private sales, gun-related deaths are substantially lower.  Congress must act to ensure that background checks are required to protect innocent lives nationwide.  This is not a "States" issue.  By virtue of all the communities listed above, gun violence knows no boundary.

Our national reluctance to pass common sense gun laws has made us a violent laughing stock in front of our international peers.  The time to draft sweeping legislation to prevent more unnecessary deaths is now.  The alternative is apathy, and guaranteed blood on the hands on those who refuse to act.  The time to take back our country from gun violence is now so that average, every-day citizens can go to the movies, university, gas station, park, elementary school or grocery store unafraid.

The time is now.

Thank you in advance for your hard work to make common sense gun laws a reality in our nation.

Sincerely,

Upsetting

I was all ready to write some smarmy, overreaction to my almost getting sprayed by a skunk this morning while walking my dog, but then I read the following headline:

Oregon Community College Shooting Leaves at Least 7 Dead

Needless to say, I am no longer interested.

I've posted about gun violence before.  I've made pleas to celebrate/mourn the victims, leaving the assailant/terrorist out of the equation so as to not lift that person to martyrdom. 

Today, I'm going to ask that you use the time you typically use to read my drivel and think of the victims and their families, none of which deserved this headline or this reality.  In the coming days, when more information is known, focus on the people who this was done to.  Keep them in your thoughts, and do something good that you don't typically do in their honor.

Thanks.

RSN

FADE IN:

THE NEWSROOM STUDIO

Intro music is up-tempo and “exciting.”

Typical sports desk.  Loud lighting and continuous score ticker on the bottom scrolling throughout.  Our hosts are at the desk, both facing camera 1 with “green screen” behind them showing logo of the league and other station-specific graphics. It’s game day!

Bud RotCrotch

Hello, I’m Bud Rotcrotch here with Sam Stinkfinger on Racist Sports Net.  Tonight on RSN we’re going to preview all the games, give you the names and call out the shame!

Sam Stinkfinger

That’s right, Bud.  First, let’s start with the Boston Micks at the New York Heebs.  Tonight, as is traditional, the Heebs will be wearing the home-field white with blue stripes, and helmets complete with black yarmulke and payot.  The Micks will be in all green and gold, as is the leprechaun’s tradition.

Bud

Funny little guys.  Ha.  Anyway, big game for the Heebs as they’ve come off 18 self-depricating losses.  That’s just bad luck!

Sam

You bet it is.  Quarterback Ishmael Schnirson isn’t the athlete his mom wanted him to be.  Actually, word has it, she had him pegged as a doctor or a lawyer.  Regardless, it seems that he’s barely accurate past 8 yds from scrimmage.  That’s going to be a problem for them tonight as the Irish will come out fighting.

Bud

Well, at least for the first half.  Typical of the Micks, they’re extremely aggressive during the first 30 minutes of play, but by the second half, most of them are trying to sleep it off.  Just what are they putting in that water cooler?  I’d bet even money that they’re stone drunk by the middle of the 3^rd.  Makes it really hard to win games.

Sam

You can say that again, for Boston to win, they really need to not start drinking until AFTER halftime!

Bud

That may be hard to do as, just like all Heebs home games, at halftime there will be a briss on the 50.  The Manischewitz will be flowing tonight!  Let’s hope the mohel drinks after he makes the cut!

Sam

Ouch, that’ll leave a mark!

Bud

Let’s move to San Diego now where the home-town Border-crossers will face the Kentucky Ass-Backward Bumpkins.  What do you think, Sam?  Will the Bumpkins be able to get that wall up in time?

Sam

That’s what they keep talking about every week, but as we know from their 7-1 record, the Border-crossers are persistent, wall or no wall.  When they want something, they just keep coming for it!  Their only big loss was last week in Arizona when half of the team got caught without their papers.  How do you say in Spanish “You Lose?”

Bud

I don’t know that, but I do know that the Bumpkins aren’t likely to win this game.  For one, they cheat like crazy.  Half of them are inbred or working on their 4^th marriage, and even when they’re assigned a position, some of them just refuse to do their job!  It’s amazing that this team gets re-elected year after year. 

Sam

I think it comes down to their coaching staff.  Real political bunch with deep pockets.  Doesn’t matter how insane they seem, the coaches seem to know just who to schmooze.

Bud

I’m not sure they’d use the term, “Schmooze,” Sam, too Jewish.

Sam

Good Catch.  OK, time to go to commercial.  [CUE MUSIC] When we come out of the break, we’re going to go to Washington where the Redskins have perpetual quarterback problems.

Bud

Oof, who thought of that name?  Anyway, more to come on the RSN, after this…

FADE OUT:

The End

Two K-oncerns

Two things of note.

1. Open letter to ShopRite of Chester, NJ.

Dear Manager of ShopRite, I have gone to lengths to expose the environmental nightmare which is the K-Cup, i.e. cups made and manufactured for the Keurig Coffee Machines.  Like countless generations of humans before me, I believe that the simple act of adding water to freshly ground coffee beans trumps the convenience of making a quick cup of coffee.  I’ve said this all before; not only is traditional brewing better tasting, it’s also far more environmentally friendly as you can always use a washable filter, and there’s no real garbage to speak of as the grounds have multiple household uses.  Insert diatribe about thousands of K-Cups reaching landfills and how they’re, generally, not able to be recycled easily.

To put a finer point on it, I prefer to grind my own coffee, or at least, have it ground shortly after the purchase of the beans.  Not having a grinder in my office necessitates that I use the machine frequently found in supermarkets, and absent that, I ask my local Barista at Starbucks to do a fresh-ground pound for me when I’m buying more. 

So, imagine my dismay as I learn that, not only is half the coffee aisle filled with boxes of K-Cups (which is mostly air in a box), but, of the “traditional” coffee, only one brand, The Organic Coffee Co., offers “whole-bean” coffee.  Every other bag of coffee is clearly marked “ground.”  This is problematic in two ways as we know that freshly ground coffee tastes better, and that pre-ground coffee is generally too finely ground to work well in french press units.  Still, the OCC is still really decent coffee (and speaks to my leftist coffee leanings), and when I brought it to the customer service counter asking where the grinder is, I was horrified to learn that the ShopRite in Chester, NJ does not have one.  Even the gentleman re-stocking the coffee shelves indicated that there used to be one, but it’s gone. 

I’ve never been to a supermarket without a coffee grinder before, and, as it turns out, ShopRite does have one, way back in the store, where freshly brewed coffee is served by the cup to supermarket patrons.  The irony is that, the grinder is used to make superior coffee for guests, but not known about/made available to patrons.  I don’t know why ShopRite has taken the position of not offering whole bean coffee as a rule, but I will say this…that the oversight clearly makes this market less super.

2. What the fuck is this!?!?!?!